In order to bring back flashbacks of foreign language translation exercises, I have translated my Australian bedtime story paragraph by paragraph. So sit back, have a cuppa, and take a squiz at this :)
A 'Strine' Story For Beddy-Byes
An Australian Bedtime Story
One day, a bloke and a sheila were sinking a few tinnies and eating chucky duck beyond the black stump, way out woop woop. They jumped in their bus and hooned around doing bog laps, chucking burnouts, and doing 360's down the road.
One day a dude and a girl were drinking some beer and eating fried chicken in the outback. They got in their car and screwed around drag racing and doing spin outs on the road.
The bloke, Dazza, chunda'd and the sheila, Shazza, spat the dummy. "Struth, Dazza, you've chuck'd up on ya best budgy smuggla's!" she exlaimed.
The guy, Darren, puked and the girl, Sharon, had a fit. “ Shit, Darren, you’ve barfed up on your best banana hammock [men’s speedo]!” she exclaimed.
Dazza let it go through to the keeper and pointing, yelled, "Crikey! Take a ganda at that, Shazza! There's a skippy that carked it on the verge. We'd better be careful or we'll prang the bus!"
Darren ignored her comment and pointing, yelled, “Jesus! Look at that,
"Are you taking the mickey outta me?" Shaz asked. So Dazza did a u-ey so that Shazza could take a squiz.
“Are you shitting me?” Shazza asked. So Dazza made a u-turn so that Shazza could take a look.
"Ah, that pongs!" Shazza exclaimed, "The garbos should come and take it to the tip!"
“Ah, that stinks!”
"Bloody oath, they should," replied Dazza. "It's nearly time for a smoko. Let's find somewhere to have a cuppa and a lamington."
“Hell yeah, they should,” replied Darren. “It’s nearly time for a break. Let’s find somewhere to have a cup of tea and a lamington [chocolate, coconut, cake pastry]”
"Too right, mate. That's a bonza idea. I need to go to the dunny anyway."
“I agree. That’s a great idea. I need to go to the bathroom anyway.”
"Yeh, and crikey, I need to point percy at the porcelaine to shake hands with the unemployed," he said as he let fluffy off the chain.
”Yeah, and geez, I need to pee,” he said as he farted.
When they got to the roadhouse, Dazza said to the bloke behind the counter, "How've ya been, ya poor bastard?"
When they got to the rest stop, Darren said to the guy behind the counter, “How’ve you been, dude?”
"I've been flat out like a lizard drinking for the last fortnight," replied the bloke sullenly.
”I’ve been super busy for the last two weeks,” replied the guy sullenly.
"I've been flat chat too," commiserated Dazza, "Don't know my elbow from my arsehole."
”I’ve been busy too,” commiserated Darren, “I’m totally dazed and confused.”
Shazza looked up and saw a ute and a bloke chucking a brown eye out the window. "I bet he's been on the turps and he's legless," Shazza said. "Better watch out 'cuz the fuzz might get'im and he'll end up in the clink."
Dazza took a squiz at the sheila with the big knockers and a pensioner perm who was gas bagging to a bloke and said, "Hey, I know that sheila. She bangs like a dunny door in a gale, and she sure can pash!"
Darren looked at the girl with the big boobs and old lady hair who was gossiping to a guy and said, “Hey, I know that girl. She’s the village bicycle [a total slut] and she kisses really well!”
Shazza chucked a wobbly and said, "Bugga off, you're a dag! Are you giving me a bum steer? You'se blokes are one snag short of a barby!"
"Fair crack of the whip- we're not that bad, we blokes!" Dazza replied, rubbing his chrome dome.
“Be fair, we’re not that bad, we men!” Darren replied, rubbing his bald head.
Playing it with a straight bat, Shazza said, "Let's make tracks. We've gotta make it home in time for the session."
"Too right, mate" Dazza agreed, "but don't get a skin full, or we'll be driving the porcelain bus home."
“I agree,” Darren agreed, “but don’t get drunk, or we’ll be puking our brains out.”
And with that the bunch of galahs rattled their dags and drove off into the sunset.
And with that, the bunch of idiots got moving and drove off into the sunset.