Monday, August 13, 2007

Monday, August 6, 2007

Australian Bedtime Story

In order to bring back flashbacks of foreign language translation exercises, I have translated my Australian bedtime story paragraph by paragraph. So sit back, have a cuppa, and take a squiz at this :)


A 'Strine' Story For Beddy-Byes

An Australian Bedtime Story


One day, a bloke and a sheila were sinking a few tinnies and eating chucky duck beyond the black stump, way out woop woop. They jumped in their bus and hooned around doing bog laps, chucking burnouts, and doing 360's down the road.

One day a dude and a girl were drinking some beer and eating fried chicken in the outback. They got in their car and screwed around drag racing and doing spin outs on the road.


The bloke, Dazza, chunda'd and the sheila, Shazza, spat the dummy. "Struth, Dazza, you've chuck'd up on ya best budgy smuggla's!" she exlaimed.

The guy, Darren, puked and the girl, Sharon, had a fit. “ Shit, Darren, you’ve barfed up on your best banana hammock [men’s speedo]!” she exclaimed.


Dazza let it go through to the keeper and pointing, yelled, "Crikey! Take a ganda at that, Shazza! There's a skippy that carked it on the verge. We'd better be careful or we'll prang the bus!"

Darren ignored her comment and pointing, yelled, “Jesus! Look at that, Sharon! There’s a kangaroo that died on the side of the road. We’d better be careful or we’ll wreck the car!”


"Are you taking the mickey outta me?" Shaz asked. So Dazza did a u-ey so that Shazza could take a squiz.

“Are you shitting me?” Shazza asked. So Dazza made a u-turn so that Shazza could take a look.

"Ah, that pongs!" Shazza exclaimed, "The garbos should come and take it to the tip!"

“Ah, that stinks!” Sharon exclaimed, “The garbage man should come and take it to the dump!”

"Bloody oath, they should," replied Dazza. "It's nearly time for a smoko. Let's find somewhere to have a cuppa and a lamington."

“Hell yeah, they should,” replied Darren. “It’s nearly time for a break. Let’s find somewhere to have a cup of tea and a lamington [chocolate, coconut, cake pastry]”

"Too right, mate. That's a bonza idea. I need to go to the dunny anyway."
“I agree. That’s a great idea. I need to go to the bathroom anyway.”

"Yeh, and crikey, I need to point percy at the porcelaine to shake hands with the unemployed," he said as he let fluffy off the chain.
”Yeah, and geez, I need to pee,” he said as he farted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got to the roadhouse, Dazza said to the bloke behind the counter, "How've ya been, ya poor bastard?"
When they got to the rest stop, Darren said to the guy behind the counter, “How’ve you been, dude?”

"I've been flat out like a lizard drinking for the last fortnight," replied the bloke sullenly.
”I’ve been super busy for the last two weeks,” replied the guy sullenly.


"I've been flat chat too," commiserated Dazza, "Don't know my elbow from my arsehole."
”I’ve been busy too,” commiserated Darren, “I’m totally dazed and confused.”

Shazza looked up and saw a ute and a bloke chucking a brown eye out the window. "I bet he's been on the turps and he's legless," Shazza said. "Better watch out 'cuz the fuzz might get'im and he'll end up in the clink."
Sharon looked up and saw a ute [a car with a truck back] and a guy mooning them. “I bet he’s totally wasted,” Sharon said. “Better watch out of the cops will get him and he’ll end up in jail.”

Dazza took a squiz at the sheila with the big knockers and a pensioner perm who was gas bagging to a bloke and said, "Hey, I know that sheila. She bangs like a dunny door in a gale, and she sure can pash!"
Darren looked at the girl with the big boobs and old lady hair who was gossiping to a guy and said, “Hey, I know that girl. She’s the village bicycle [a total slut] and she kisses really well!”


Shazza chucked a wobbly and said, "Bugga off, you're a dag! Are you giving me a bum steer? You'se blokes are one snag short of a barby!"

Sharon threw a fit and said, “Shut up, you’re a retard! Are you shitting me? You men are all crazy!”

"Fair crack of the whip- we're not that bad, we blokes!" Dazza replied, rubbing his chrome dome.

“Be fair, we’re not that bad, we men!” Darren replied, rubbing his bald head.

Playing it with a straight bat, Shazza said, "Let's make tracks. We've gotta make it home in time for the session."

Getting serious, Sharon said, “Let’s hit the road. We’ve gotta make it home in time for the afternoon drinking session [at the pub].”

"Too right, mate" Dazza agreed, "but don't get a skin full, or we'll be driving the porcelain bus home."

“I agree,” Darren agreed, “but don’t get drunk, or we’ll be puking our brains out.”

And with that the bunch of galahs rattled their dags and drove off into the sunset.

And with that, the bunch of idiots got moving and drove off into the sunset.

Dreaming of the Land of Oz

The obligatory sign at Hillary's Harbor, reminding us exactly how far Perth is from everywhere else


My first day in Perth, from King's Park


Me and Jenny with my birthday pavlova


Enjoying Australian delicacies- 6 types of beer and a steak sandwich (or for those more upscal connoiseurs of haute brewery cuisine- 'seared steak panini ')



"Over the Rainbow in Oz" - Storms made the Margaret River wineries even more scenic than usual



Enjoying wine and cheese with Jenny, Adam, and Jenny's sister Beth at their holiday home in Dunsborough in front of a roaring fire



The longest jetty in Australia - we paid $5 each to walk 2 km out to the gated off end, and then walked two cold & windy km back



Sunset over tidepools of the Indian Ocean in Perth


Being a Pool Shark- I actually won 2 games out of complete luck (definitely not out of skill)



A joey sticks his head out of his mom's pouch to see what's going on- these are wild kangaroos who have taken up residence at a local memorial park



Saying hello to the wild kangaroos



Overlooking the white sand beaches and azure waters of the Indian Ocean at Rottnest Island off the coast of Perth


Deserted Beach at Rottnest Island


Horizontal rock climbing at the deserted beach



Another deserted white sand beach at Rottnest Island


Rottnest Island Lighthouse


Adam and Jenny in our preferred mode of transportation at Rottnest Island - motorized vehicles aren't allowed


Shaking hands with a kangaroo


Canoeing in the canals of the Indian Ocean at Mandurah


My final haute cuisine dinner - Crocodile (covered in pesto on a piece of pineapple), Kangaroo (rare, with a side of sour cream) & Crayfish (with a side of high school dissection flashbacks)


MMMM- Crocodile - Tastes like tough chicken


Adam, Jenny, Dave & Me at my last dinner at the restaurant at the top of a skyscraper in Perth


Eating Singapore noodles in Singapore with chopsticks at a hawker place with ex-Hyderabad expat, Joel

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Last Day In Oz

It's my last day in Australia and I'm so sad to be leaving. The weather is perfect- clear and warm, and I hugged kangaroos and canoes through canals of the Indian Ocean in Mandurah.

In preparation for my return to India I have eaten an absurd amount of good food today. It's 6pm and so far I've had:

Eggs, Australian Bacon & tea

Smoked Salmon, cream cheese, avocado & onion sandwich (closest thing to a real bagel with these ingredients I could find)

Blueberry Muffin & mocha

Cinnamon & Ginger Ice Cream cone

Australian Beer

I'm planning on having kangaroo for dinner at the revolving rooftop restaurant in downtown Perth so that whenever there is a conversation about the weirdest thing you've eaten, I can win :) I realize that today I was hugging kangaroos, and now I'm planning on eating one, but most people don't have trouble eating lamb, and if anyone has ever walked the downs on a spring day in Southern England and seen the cute little lambs with their mothers and then gone home for some lamb pie with a side of lamb pie, they'll agree that the stuff in the dinner was definitely not the cute little lambs (i.e. cute little kangaroos), but rather, evil man-eating lambs/kangaroos. This is the story, and I'm sticking to it.

I'll also post the American translation of my Australian Bedtime Story on Monday so that you can all have a go at translating it yourselves :) One clue- fluffy isn't a dog :)

Friday, August 3, 2007

A 'Strine' Story for Beddy-Byes

The weather has finally cleared and I can see how incredibly blue and clear the water of the Indian Ocean is here. Today we took a boat out to Rottnest Island off the coast of Perth, and rode bikes around the island. It was covered in seclued white sand beaches with azure water, which were completely empty because it's winter and the water is too cold to swim in (too bad!). The island used to be called 'rat nest' island because it is covered in quokas, small kangaroo-like creatures that look like a mix between a kangaroo and a rat. Many pictures are to come when I upload my pics when I'm back in India on Monday.

In the meantime, tonight at dinner, with the help of the Hanslips and their relatives, I've composed a little story in Australian-ese or 'Strine' for you'se all to enjoy.

A 'Strine' Story For Beddy-Byes

One day, a bloke and a sheila were sinking a few tinnies and eating chucky duck beyond the black stump, way out woop woop. They jumped in their bus and hooned around doing bog laps, chucking burnouts, and doing 360's down the road.

The bloke, Dazza, chunda'd and the sheila, Shazza, spat the dummy. "Struth, Dazza, you've chuck'd up on ya best budgy smuggla's!" she exlaimed.

Dazza let it go through to the keeper and pointing, yelled, "Crikey! Take a ganda at that, Shazza! There's a skippy that carked it on the verge. We'd better be careful or we'll prang the bus!"

"Are you taking the mickey outta me?" Shaz asked. So Dazza did a u-ey so that Shazza could take a squiz.

"Ah, that pongs!" Shazza exclaimed, "The garbos should come and take it to the tip!"

"Bloody oath, they should," replied Dazza. "It's nearly time for a smoko. Let's find somewhere to have a cuppa and a lamington."

"Too right, mate. That's a bonza idea. I need to go to the dunny anyway."

"Yeh, and crikey, I need to point percy at the porcelaine to shake hands with the unemployed," he said as he let fluffy off the chain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got to the roadhouse, Dazza said to the bloke behind the counter, "How've ya been, ya poor bastard?"

"I've been flat out like a lizard drinking for the last fortnight," replied the bloke sullenly.

"I've been flat chat too," commiserated Dazza, "Don't know my elbow from my arsehole."

Shazza looked up and saw a ute and a bloke chucking a brown eye out the window. "I bet he's been on the turps and he's legless," Shazza said. "Better watch out 'cuz the fuzz might get'im and he'll end up in the clink."

Dazza took a squiz at the sheila with the big knockers and a pensioner perm who was gas bagging to a bloke and said, "Hey, I know that sheila. She bangs like a dunny door in a gale, and she sure can pash!"

Shazza chucked a wobbly and said, "Bugga off, you're a dag! Are you giving me a bum steer? You'se blokes are one snag short of a barby!"

"Fair crack of the whip- we're not that bad, we blokes!" Dazza replied, rubbing his chrome dome.

Playing it with a straight bat, Shazza said, "Let's make tracks. We've gotta make it home in time for the session."

"Too right, mate" Dazza agreed, "but don't get a skin full, or we'll be driving the porcelain bus home."

And with that the bunch of galahs rattled their dags and drove off into the sunset.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

See you'se later!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Birthday In Oz

Me with my birthday pavlova
Just back from a 2 day trip down the west coast to Margaret River. I reckon (to use Australian-ese) it was pretty much as far south as you can go in the world without snow, and even though it's winter and it's been raining on and off, it's still about the temperature and climate of the California coast in the summer.
We stayed in a holiday house in a town called Dunsborogh with a wood fireplace, where I ate copiously, read Harry Potter by firelight (very atmospheric- and I'm savoring it, so I'm about the only person in the world who does not know the ending yet- and I'm enjoying it), and sat in the hot tub while it was about 50 degrees outside and raining.

We went wine tasting in Margaret River (mmmm-Australian shiraz is now indisputably my favorite), glimpsed the choppy deep blue ocean when the sun popped out between clouds, and went to possibly the only cave in a first world country where they allow 'self-guided tours.' There was an 'amphitheatre' in the cave with a high ceiling and stalactites coming out of the top where apparently Nellie Melba sang a concert because the acoustics are so good. I've had a cold with laryngitis, but did manage to squeak out the first line of 'Porgi Amor' without coughing. Tragic I couldn't sing more, but still the only time I'll probably ever sing opera in a cave (and the only time any of the other visitors will hear opera sung in a cave ;).

Now we're back in Perth and I only have 3 more days in Australia! It's not enough! Although, I may have already had enough red meat to hold me over until I get back to the States ;)
Don't want to be flogging a dead horse, mate, so I'll bog off now :)

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Madras Madness Abbreviated, Singapore Culture Shock & Australian Birthday Pavlova

I'm writing from Perth on the coast of Western Australia (2.5 hours closer to the international dateline than India and directly south of Singapore). I've once again been a bad blogger, and have posted pictures without any text. And now, I'm so involved in eating steak and ice and drinking good beer and wine, that I don't really have the time or energy to write something good about last weekend. So, I'm going to write the abbreviated version.

Last weekend I went to Madras/Chennai (Chennai is the real Indian name, but I think that Madras, the British name, is more Exotic, so I'm going to use it) with one of my office-mates who is from there. We stayed with her family in their house and did all sorts of authentic things the whole weekend. We ate Tamil Thali, shopped for sarees (again, and yes...I bought one...again - but this one I'm planning to upholster my futon with, so it is therefore functional in addition to being 100% embroidered silk and $20), I rode on the back of her moped, we went to a traditional dance concert, went to the bay of bengal, used an Indian toilet (http://www.csuohio.edu/india_experience/summer2000/20000712/indianstylebathroom.jpg), rode in an ambassador taxi, wore a saree to the temple, went to a Brahmin fortune teller, ect.

We went to the Bay of Bengal looking to take a boat ride out into the sea, but when we got there the fishermen wouldn't take us out because they had been forbidden to do so byt he nearby resort. I wasn't too upset because there was oil washed up on the beach and menacing monsoonal clouds on the horizon, so we rode horses for 100 ruppees ($2.50) on the beach instead. It was very adventurous and the weather was 50 times better than it was the first time I went to Chennai in May when it was 105 degrees with 100% humidity. This time it was only 85 degrees with 70 humidity (that was my guess), so riding on the moped and in the non a/c ambassador taxi wasn't so bad. The real problem was the pollution, and after the day on the moped, I actually had a pollution mustache, which I wiped off with a tissue that was soon covered in a thick layer of black soot from the rest of my face- ewwwwe.

Since last weekend I've been 'busy' after work socializing with other ex-pats. I saw the new Harry Potter movie (totally awesome & better than the book) and went to a going away party for an expat who's moving to Singapore this weekend. Then, on Friday night I left for Perth via Singapore to spend my birthday week in Australia. I learned, at my first exit attempt from India since I got here, that the clever customs official who stamped my passport upon entry, has stamped it March 2006. The semi-amused exit customs official leafed through my passport for 5 minutes trying to find a March 2007 stamp and then asked me when I arrived in India. When he pointed to the 2006 date I was completely and utterly speechless for the first time in my life. Luckily my visa is March 2007-September 2007, and he very innovatively managed to get an entry stamper, set it to the correct date, re-stamp my entry stamp with March 2007, and cancel my original (I double checked the date he stamped for my exit).

My flight from Hyderabad to Singapore was only 3.5 hours, but was a red-eye flight due to the 2.5 hour time difference. I was stuck next to a mother and kid who apparently had a tick that involved kicking me every time I dozed off, and I felt like the principal in Ferris Beuller because the kid kept looking at me and offering me gummy bears.

When I arrived in Singapore I was shocked by the number of white people in the airport, and realized that I hadn't really seen more than 10 white people in one place at one time in 4 months. I was also shocked by how modern and new everything was, and my first meal was a grilled chicken, avocado, and bri sandwich with a real espresso-filled mocha. I sat in a cafe with a Dutch guy and an Indian woman, both of whom, it turned out were living in California and were coming from Hyderabad. I spoke to the woman in the Hindi I've learned from classes at work, and said 'Ik sprik neit goede nederlands' to the amused Dutch guy ("I don't speak Dutch well" is one of the only phrases I remember from Beligium) and then the three of us talked about Hyderabad for about an hour until their flight for SFO was leaving and my flight to Australia was boarding- it's a small world!

Now I'm in Australia where it is winter and raining, and I've already had two meals with steak :) Last night I went to grab the bottle of water to brush my teeth until I realized that I can use tap water! I've been ordering ice in every drink even though it's cold outside, just because I love ice so much, and I haven't had it in 4 months. The two things that stand out most are a) how much I got used to standing out in a crowd in India- here I'm anonymous until I open my mouth! And b) How much I got used to having people around everywhere.

All over Perth today I've noticed how few people there are- I can't imagine what it must be like for someone from India who's spent their entire life surrounded by millions of people to come to Australia or the US and not see people crowding the streets. I also noticed how big the SUVs are - does anyone need a car that size? Now really, how many people are actually driving around the bush in those? It may be roughly equivalent to the number of bay area drivers who spend their weekends off-roading their SUVs in the Sierras (roughly .0005%) ;) I think I'll notice even more when I get back to California, since giant SUVs aren't nearly as popular in Australia as they are in California.

Today I spent my birthday sleeping in, going around Perth, and eating- pancakes, steak kabobs, cappuccino, chinese food, and a birthday pavlova :). Tomorrow we're heading south, and I'm hoping the rain will die down (not sure how likely that is). I realized that I haven't been remotely cold in 4 months (other than in the office when the air conditioner is blasting), and that I'm not really used to it being cold outside. But I've now seen the Indian Ocean, and even in the rain the beaches are amazing.

More to come soon (I promise..... ;)